Hardwork is a humble beginning. I've heard success stories of wealthy people who made it to the top, starting at the bottom. I admire how they endured hardships and get to where they are now. Hardwork, indeed, is paid off in the end.
Most of the time I can do things and people brand me as a hard worker. I can almost say that I am, until this point in my life. I seem to have viewed myself as irresponsible.
I've waited a while and had let my sister spend so much for me to get a part time job. However, it turned out that I find the job too heavy. I don't mind it being degrading anymore. I just want to be able to survive every day without fainting or getting a serious sprain. I try to think of it as a challenge, but it turns out that my body is responding to it in an abnormal manner. Maybe all of my colleagues feel the same- back and tricep pain, piercing feet, short breath, painful hardened leg muscle. I've only been there for two days, and I was thinking maybe I get used to it one day, like everybody did.
I'd like to go back to that work and keep convincing myself that what my body feels is temporary. That the pains will disappear eventually. But what I feel after work makes me pity myself so much. I still feel so much pain physically when I get home, in my sleep, and even the next day when I wake up. I'd love to just grab every day's duty without complaining because I know that my hardwork will be paid off in the end. But I'm in pain-physically. That kind of pain that tortures me the whole time. Even when I'm at home. I'd like to quit it--and prefer to just feel an emotional and intellectual pain. And hope that my loving God makes a way to make me feel better really soon.
Hopes and Prayers.
Lunes, Hunyo 23, 2014
On Being a Woman
I know lust over material things is not very simple. Some may even say it's not what makes one happy. That one should avoid thinking about what he/she does not have and focus on the more purposive things.
But to say that you have to wear what you have while everybody else looks fantastic, is, for a woman, an embarrassing thing. Not that I focus on outside appearance to get satisfaction of myself, but majority deal with appeal when they decide to treat you superb, nice, or not so nice.
I have thoughts of style and comfort if I have all the money and resources. I don't pretty much like the way I look now. Figure can always be worked out as long as extrinsic motivation is present. I am tired of wearing what's available. I want to look good and feel good. But with what I have now, I would only go as far as "try hard to look good". If only I have all the resources. It takes satisfaction of myself as a woman for me to be happy.
Life looks very easy, but is actually hard on me. I'm blaming it with how I look. I absolutely want a change for myself. I want to feel like a woman- try out new dresses, shoes, bags, get a new hair-do, get nail art, relax on a spa, exquisite jewelries, impressive fragrant, and so much more.
I know these wishes won't be easy. Gotta work hard. And if I do, I don't really think I could grant myself's wishes.
Short of cheer.
But to say that you have to wear what you have while everybody else looks fantastic, is, for a woman, an embarrassing thing. Not that I focus on outside appearance to get satisfaction of myself, but majority deal with appeal when they decide to treat you superb, nice, or not so nice.
I have thoughts of style and comfort if I have all the money and resources. I don't pretty much like the way I look now. Figure can always be worked out as long as extrinsic motivation is present. I am tired of wearing what's available. I want to look good and feel good. But with what I have now, I would only go as far as "try hard to look good". If only I have all the resources. It takes satisfaction of myself as a woman for me to be happy.
Life looks very easy, but is actually hard on me. I'm blaming it with how I look. I absolutely want a change for myself. I want to feel like a woman- try out new dresses, shoes, bags, get a new hair-do, get nail art, relax on a spa, exquisite jewelries, impressive fragrant, and so much more.
I know these wishes won't be easy. Gotta work hard. And if I do, I don't really think I could grant myself's wishes.
Short of cheer.
Sabado, Hunyo 14, 2014
On Being a Daughter. On Being a sister.
I'm writing because today is Father's Day and I am grateful to have grown up with a father in the family. There were some not so pleasant memories, but I prefer to recall the best times. The number of mess Papa did proved how he isn't a perfect being- but a being who never ceased to love all of us.
He wasn't the coolest. But I remember a humble being in him, staying in the house and taking care of house hold chores. Four of us, ( with the exception of Nang Irene who grew up with Nanay) were lovingly taken cared of by Papa because Mama had been the family provider for the longest.
Papa would do the dishes, laundry, babysit, even tell us stories on afternoon naps. He has shown no bitter feelings about everything he did.
My Papa surely has flaws. As a father, especially a spouse. Despite of these, I remain thankful of how he never gave up and kept the family intact. Whatever his shortcomings are were part of his being human. The good thing is, he loved a lot, and he showed it in his small ways.
Today's Father's Day. I remember how close I was to Papa during my childhood days. I somehow regret the years I spent in Manila that drew apart from Papa in mind and in heart. Though it seemed as if I missed so many years of being with him, I still look up to him as a good father. I thank God of him.
Today is also my sister's 24th. She has grown very confident and smart. I am just so proud of her. I am happy that we've been given the chance to make up with all the years that we lost track of each other. She's the same. Except that she is no longer a skeptic and does things her own way.
I find it incredible how she developed very good interpersonal skills. I can see many ways of how she's being blessed, and I admire her for her kindness and ambition.
Being an elder sister, I feel like there is really nothing more for me to give her as she's been blessed with so much. Nonetheless, I still enjoy showing her love in my little ways. I guess the most I can do is make her feel how proud I am as her sister. We may not be the closest among siblings, but I understand her heart best. And I feel as if she understands me more than anybody else in the family too. I feel blessed being a sister to her, and I wish we stay close till we grow old. I know God blesses her in so many ways so she can be a blessing to everybody. And I know God has prepared for her more happy days in the future.
Being a daughter and a sister is overwhelming. I will be eternally grateful that God gave me these amazing people. I hope that we will share more love in the days to come.
Happy and loved.
He wasn't the coolest. But I remember a humble being in him, staying in the house and taking care of house hold chores. Four of us, ( with the exception of Nang Irene who grew up with Nanay) were lovingly taken cared of by Papa because Mama had been the family provider for the longest.
Papa would do the dishes, laundry, babysit, even tell us stories on afternoon naps. He has shown no bitter feelings about everything he did.
My Papa surely has flaws. As a father, especially a spouse. Despite of these, I remain thankful of how he never gave up and kept the family intact. Whatever his shortcomings are were part of his being human. The good thing is, he loved a lot, and he showed it in his small ways.
Today's Father's Day. I remember how close I was to Papa during my childhood days. I somehow regret the years I spent in Manila that drew apart from Papa in mind and in heart. Though it seemed as if I missed so many years of being with him, I still look up to him as a good father. I thank God of him.
Today is also my sister's 24th. She has grown very confident and smart. I am just so proud of her. I am happy that we've been given the chance to make up with all the years that we lost track of each other. She's the same. Except that she is no longer a skeptic and does things her own way.
I find it incredible how she developed very good interpersonal skills. I can see many ways of how she's being blessed, and I admire her for her kindness and ambition.
Being an elder sister, I feel like there is really nothing more for me to give her as she's been blessed with so much. Nonetheless, I still enjoy showing her love in my little ways. I guess the most I can do is make her feel how proud I am as her sister. We may not be the closest among siblings, but I understand her heart best. And I feel as if she understands me more than anybody else in the family too. I feel blessed being a sister to her, and I wish we stay close till we grow old. I know God blesses her in so many ways so she can be a blessing to everybody. And I know God has prepared for her more happy days in the future.
Being a daughter and a sister is overwhelming. I will be eternally grateful that God gave me these amazing people. I hope that we will share more love in the days to come.
Happy and loved.
Huwebes, Hunyo 12, 2014
On Being Pretty
I am not pretty. So what? I can do things other than the way of being pretty. It may be 60% true that a pretty face and body counts! but I can live with the 40% and work the other 60 my way.
I'm not expecting for a handsome and rich guy to walk in. I can live without men. I know that I won't be liked because I'm awkwardly tall, with a long face, and bulky arms. I don't care about being liked anyway. The only reason why I go to the gym is so I can feel healthy. None of my desires is about hooking a guy. Damn it!
I perfectly understand how people can be different. I don't get it why people would often compare. After all, am not into a competition of who's better or best. Am contented with feeling good about myself. I don't need destructive criticisms. I'm not the face and body you may like, but I'm certain I know what I'm worth.
They say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. I firmly believe in that. So if you have nothing good to say, keep your fucking mouth shut!
Annoyed.
I'm not expecting for a handsome and rich guy to walk in. I can live without men. I know that I won't be liked because I'm awkwardly tall, with a long face, and bulky arms. I don't care about being liked anyway. The only reason why I go to the gym is so I can feel healthy. None of my desires is about hooking a guy. Damn it!
I perfectly understand how people can be different. I don't get it why people would often compare. After all, am not into a competition of who's better or best. Am contented with feeling good about myself. I don't need destructive criticisms. I'm not the face and body you may like, but I'm certain I know what I'm worth.
They say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. I firmly believe in that. So if you have nothing good to say, keep your fucking mouth shut!
Annoyed.
Linggo, Hunyo 8, 2014
Waiting-- and in between.
Waiting-- wey-ting
noun. A period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay
verb. To remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens; to look forward to something eagerly.
Waiting as a noun seems very simple. A pause that can be played anytime. An interval that needs a little patience. A delay that requires a bit of understanding. Easy.
As a verb, waiting means more than the simple things. Why not simple?
To remain inactive. It means waking up to a quiet morning, and sobbing up my head underneath the sheets for another hour or two. It means summing up all the positions I can have at the sofa while I try my best to focus on the fifth movie of the day. It's listening to a song on auto repeat for hours. It's sitting at the dining table, chewing slowly, till the food is cold. It's wanting to leave, but the only option is to stay.
It's a state of repose, but the moments in between the waiting is actually agitating. When it's still and quiet, it's the time when my mind can't be at peace. Sometimes, faking a busy mode just makes me feel a little more restless. Thoughts of everybody near and far, of feelings suppressed, of the past, of tomorrow, of the days after today. It's closing the eyes but heavily breathing at worries, expecting of something to happen but not really knowing if it will.
It's looking forward to something eagerly, with a heart not really believing what is to come because it is afraid to be disappointed. It's a risk of anticipating something that might not happen or come. And, of course, the danger of stupid fall if my try becomes a failure.
Waiting is absolutely distressing, inconvenient, and annoying. I hope I don't get used to it, or it will drag me into a kingdom of isolation.
Prayers.
noun. A period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay
verb. To remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens; to look forward to something eagerly.
Waiting as a noun seems very simple. A pause that can be played anytime. An interval that needs a little patience. A delay that requires a bit of understanding. Easy.
As a verb, waiting means more than the simple things. Why not simple?
To remain inactive. It means waking up to a quiet morning, and sobbing up my head underneath the sheets for another hour or two. It means summing up all the positions I can have at the sofa while I try my best to focus on the fifth movie of the day. It's listening to a song on auto repeat for hours. It's sitting at the dining table, chewing slowly, till the food is cold. It's wanting to leave, but the only option is to stay.
It's a state of repose, but the moments in between the waiting is actually agitating. When it's still and quiet, it's the time when my mind can't be at peace. Sometimes, faking a busy mode just makes me feel a little more restless. Thoughts of everybody near and far, of feelings suppressed, of the past, of tomorrow, of the days after today. It's closing the eyes but heavily breathing at worries, expecting of something to happen but not really knowing if it will.
It's looking forward to something eagerly, with a heart not really believing what is to come because it is afraid to be disappointed. It's a risk of anticipating something that might not happen or come. And, of course, the danger of stupid fall if my try becomes a failure.
Waiting is absolutely distressing, inconvenient, and annoying. I hope I don't get used to it, or it will drag me into a kingdom of isolation.
Prayers.
Sabado, Hunyo 7, 2014
A Letter for You. ;)
This post is inspired by that romantic movie I have seen. In the movie, the lady saved a letter at a certain website, to be automatically emailed to the recipient at a set time in the future. I don't know you yet, but this one is written for YOU. On the day we face the altar.
Hi! By the time that I read you this letter, rest assured that I am no longer in doubt of the recipient.
So it's true. When you find the one, it's like all the other souls are invisible. I won't question why you are in here just now. I won't say that you are late. I call today the perfect timing of God. Maybe, if we have known each other prior to when we've actually met, then it might not have ended up to the altar.
After the long wait, I feel blessed to have finally found you. Thank you for finding me. I have so much love in my heart and I promise it will be yours every day of our life time. I'm not the best cook, but I'm sure I can work on it if that would put a smile on your face every day. I hope we live everyday with faith and loyalty to God's providence. I am certain that we can get through rough situations with HIS presence. We will celebrate every blessing from HIM, and share it if we can.
You are someone sent to be with me forever. And I am yours. You can be secure of my loyalty. I can assure you that I'll take time to remind myself everyday to make you feel loved.
With the long years of waiting, I have always been anxious of the future. Now that you're here, I am excited for every sunrise. And every evening dinner will be a date.
In time we may be blessed with kids. I want you to play with them, teach them what's right. We will celebrate monthsaries, like what we do as lovers. Just make sure to save all of my lil somethings. Promise you won't get bored with them.
Thank you for your gift of love. Iloveyou today and I am excited to love you for each and every day of the future.
Crossed fingers. :/ God, I hope I can read this in your time. Thanks.
You hold my hand. I'll be fine. ;)
Hopes and Prayers.
Hi! By the time that I read you this letter, rest assured that I am no longer in doubt of the recipient.
So it's true. When you find the one, it's like all the other souls are invisible. I won't question why you are in here just now. I won't say that you are late. I call today the perfect timing of God. Maybe, if we have known each other prior to when we've actually met, then it might not have ended up to the altar.
After the long wait, I feel blessed to have finally found you. Thank you for finding me. I have so much love in my heart and I promise it will be yours every day of our life time. I'm not the best cook, but I'm sure I can work on it if that would put a smile on your face every day. I hope we live everyday with faith and loyalty to God's providence. I am certain that we can get through rough situations with HIS presence. We will celebrate every blessing from HIM, and share it if we can.
You are someone sent to be with me forever. And I am yours. You can be secure of my loyalty. I can assure you that I'll take time to remind myself everyday to make you feel loved.
With the long years of waiting, I have always been anxious of the future. Now that you're here, I am excited for every sunrise. And every evening dinner will be a date.
In time we may be blessed with kids. I want you to play with them, teach them what's right. We will celebrate monthsaries, like what we do as lovers. Just make sure to save all of my lil somethings. Promise you won't get bored with them.
Thank you for your gift of love. Iloveyou today and I am excited to love you for each and every day of the future.
Crossed fingers. :/ God, I hope I can read this in your time. Thanks.
You hold my hand. I'll be fine. ;)
Hopes and Prayers.
The Journey Continues
"She learned to live gracefully at every stop. And before she knew that it's time to leave, she'd already arrived at a new one."
It was eleven years ago. I left home with the thought that my life is a journey. Whether the sailing will be smooth or rough was something I had charged to the future. I had one goal in mind- to succeed. How much time was needed for that success was something I did not anticipate. I just knew that I'll be there, no matter how slow, for as long as I don't stop.
I was seventeen. I completed a year in College and never doubted my ability to live independently. I joined a group of strangers called Top1. It was a sailing full of hopes and frustrations. After over a year, it left me with the latter, and sent me home empty handed. I saw my sail ripping in half that it turned me down. I learned to take caution.
I was nineteen and I stopped at a place in Manila where I can fix my sail. It was hard work, but entailed less approval from the world. The friends I had mended my heart from frustrations. The experience taught me courage.
I was twenty when my sail was tossed by a bumpy wave. The providence I have had from the previous stop was lost. I found myself working even harder. It was like being cast away at an island. I had to learn everything that would keep me from sailing again. I made a new sail out persistence; hardy slept, worked until night. After all the difficulty, I had built a new sail and it kept me sailing smoothly for the next five years where blessings shined on me. I learned determination.
I was twenty-five when I saw a brighter stop. I completed my College Education. I then met people who gave me bigger sails. The wind blew calmly and the waves weren't a bother to my sailing anymore. I became a teacher. I learned self worth.
I am twenty eight. Some may say that I had been sailing too slow. I don't care. Each stop gives me life's greatest lessons that I keep with me, no matter where this journey leads me to. I am in the perfect care of my Creator. At the end of this stop is another wonderful gift; success is just a consolation.
It was eleven years ago. I left home with the thought that my life is a journey. Whether the sailing will be smooth or rough was something I had charged to the future. I had one goal in mind- to succeed. How much time was needed for that success was something I did not anticipate. I just knew that I'll be there, no matter how slow, for as long as I don't stop.
I was seventeen. I completed a year in College and never doubted my ability to live independently. I joined a group of strangers called Top1. It was a sailing full of hopes and frustrations. After over a year, it left me with the latter, and sent me home empty handed. I saw my sail ripping in half that it turned me down. I learned to take caution.
I was nineteen and I stopped at a place in Manila where I can fix my sail. It was hard work, but entailed less approval from the world. The friends I had mended my heart from frustrations. The experience taught me courage.
I was twenty when my sail was tossed by a bumpy wave. The providence I have had from the previous stop was lost. I found myself working even harder. It was like being cast away at an island. I had to learn everything that would keep me from sailing again. I made a new sail out persistence; hardy slept, worked until night. After all the difficulty, I had built a new sail and it kept me sailing smoothly for the next five years where blessings shined on me. I learned determination.
I was twenty-five when I saw a brighter stop. I completed my College Education. I then met people who gave me bigger sails. The wind blew calmly and the waves weren't a bother to my sailing anymore. I became a teacher. I learned self worth.
I am twenty eight. Some may say that I had been sailing too slow. I don't care. Each stop gives me life's greatest lessons that I keep with me, no matter where this journey leads me to. I am in the perfect care of my Creator. At the end of this stop is another wonderful gift; success is just a consolation.
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